@GSElevator: #1: Too many people still answer the phone like they don't know who's calling.
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@GashleyMadison: Coworker: What would be your ideal- Me: Sleeping CW: But you didn't let me finish my- M: My answer is always sleeping.
@Breadery: Her: If I get fat will you break up with me? Me: No but you're now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden.
@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.