@maxlavergne: 100% per cent of survey respondents said: help us get out of this tall tree. we didn't know this survey involved being stuck in a tree
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@BrainFumbles: "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the tru-" I choose dare, your honor "Bailiff, please hi-five the defendant"
@MrMichaelRose: *seductively boils hot dog* *suggestively unscrews ketchup bottle* *alluringly toasts bun* *erotically describes this in between asterisks*
@QwertyJones3: [interview for an accounting job] Your resumé says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? "You do the math"