@maxlavergne: 100% per cent of survey respondents said: help us get out of this tall tree. we didn't know this survey involved being stuck in a tree
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@reczit: Eighty seven percent of single people are single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone.
@Fred_Delicious: "Hey Barack" "yes Joe?" "I bet T-Rex's took terrible selfies" "Ok Joe" "Because they had..." "Short arms Joe, yes. I get it. I get it buddy"
@SardonicTart: [Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment.