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@BeardSpice: [God creating spiders] What if I made a tiny land octopus that could walk on walls?
@TheMichaelRock: The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister.
@TheAlexP: Her: you ever done hot yoga? *remembering getting stuck in a lawn chair last summer trying to reach my car keys* Pretty sure