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@LouisPeitzman: This is probably going to sound really gay, but the sunset is GORGEOUS right now and I love making out with dudes.
@KeetPotato: guy at seaworld: "it's a cross between an eel and a shark, we're asking everyone to pick a name for him" wife: "steve" me: "sharkeel o'neal"
@chuuew: [Séance] *knock, knock* ME: Wh-who's there? [ouija board spells out A-T-C-H] ME: atch who? [spells out B-L-E-S-S-Y-O-U] ME: Dammit, Grandpa!
@QwertyJones3: [College admissions office] "Sorry sir you can't transfer your street cred for college credits" ME: that's wack