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@4handfuls: Him: Well, when life hands you lemons... Narrator: Life only needed him to hold the lemons so it could punch him in the face.
@mjkspeaks: [at airport] TSA: sir, you’ve been randomly chosen for a cavity search. ME: that’s cool i didn’t know my flight included a dental cleaning
@Marl_TheBean: I like my men like I like my books; easy to read and waiting for me in bed. ... And does the dishes. Ok this isn't working