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@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
@Stellacopter: Before emjois i had to end texts to my girlfriends with "two girls holding hands* heart* kissy face* glass of wine* nail polish* red lips."
@TheTweetOfGod: With God all things are possible; but with money all things are probable. And with a good accountant, they're all deductible.
@JohnFugelsang: Somewhere in Heaven... Abraham Lincoln: The ppl who claim to be my followers just totally misquoted me. Jesus: You don't say.