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@TheHyyyype: [speed-dating] ME: wanna see a magic trick? HER: sure! ME: yikes *writes "27 years old and still believes in magic" in notebook*
@AbbyHasIssues: I just typed "cupkale" instead of "cupcake" and accidentally invented what has to be the worst dessert idea ever.
@AnotherFunnyGuy: Her: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. Me: You do realize I'm your boyfriend right?