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@Mormonger: Father of Prodigal Son: For this my son was dead, and is alive again! He was lost, and is found! Fatted Calf: This cannot be good
@upsidedowntrash: Friend: Do you know karate? Me: [wanting to sound cool but not overly cocky] I've heard of him.
@flashember: WIFE: Every time I get close, I get hurt. THERAPIST: Is this true? PORCUPINE HUSBAND: *bristles* OF COURSE IT'S TRUE I'M A BALL OF NEEDLES