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@JessObsess: ME: *does something stupid* I hope no one saw me do that ALSO ME: *texting all my friends* Listen to what I just did
@Not_From_Troy: When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs.
@kimwilliamz: The worst thing about admitting you're an alcoholic is that people will expect you to stop drinking.
@Mr_Kapowski: 8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin Me: You were a very hungry fetus- Wife: Ok that's enough time with Dad for today