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@handsock_butts: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like- ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS SE: -on your sub? ME: PUPPERONI
@crouton_futon: "Oh shit I murdered someone" "You should turn yourself into the police" "Great idea!" *puts on badge and hat* "Looks like a suicide to me"
@CoolCamel69: [picking out a washing machine] how many watermelons can this hold? "uhh I dunno, 11?" only 11? *keeps walking to next one* how many waterme
@agathagotstoned: A coffee table book, but it's just pictures of me being forcibly awakened by the employees of various mattress stores across the country.