@mydanimarie: 127 HOURS but me trying to get my hand out of the Pringles can
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@lovemydogduck: I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe.
@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car as being stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the rear window are white.
@RexHuppke: BREAKING: North Dakota lawmakers decide life begins at conception, and then begins again the moment you're old enough to leave North Dakota