@DamienFahey: 13 Types of Regret You'll Experience After Clicking on a Link to an Article That Won't Live Up to its Exaggerated Headline
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@Ristolable: I like my women like I like my coffee. I look at coffee but I am afraid to talk to it
@CooperLawrence: Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix.
@dmc1138: While everyone is busy complaining about their tweets being stolen & put on Facebook, I've quietly become the funniest person on MySpace!
@bridger_w: Guy in the dressing room next to mine: "I don't want to get blood on these pants." I want to reply, "Then stay out of my way on the catwalk"