@HuffPostComedy: 14 Valentine's Day jokes that laugh in the face of Cupid
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@psychogoddess: How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?? Dude,I already did my time.
@13spencer: A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.
@Reverend_Scott: [bum holds his hand out] "can I have some change?" change comes from within "thank u. now I'm not poor anymore"
@david8hughes: [moses parts sea] Slaves: wow! Why we running away if u can do shit like that? Lets go back & claim the pyramids Moses: thats my only trick