@HuffPostComedy: 14 Valentine's Day jokes that laugh in the face of Cupid
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@iscoff: "Did you hire a wedding photographer?" Sure did! *a dog with a gopro strapped to its head runs by*
@markedly: ME: Don't you see, the treasure is our friendship PIRATE: ...Aye ME: 😊 P: I cherish ya me matey but honestly ya misled me a tad didn't ya
@Token_Geezer: The reason the Japanese kill so many whales is because they remind them of Americans
@ANNIEwayyyy: My mom recently figured out that the best way to get me to call her back right away is to text me that someone died but not tell me who.