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@muffins_english: Him: I met this really great girl Me: Nice, what’s she like? Him: Blonde, blue eyes, tall, like 6 feet- Me: That’s too many feet
@SondraDeeMe: Nothing says how messed up my family thinks I am than my niece putting her head in an Easy-Bake-Oven & my brother asking me if I showed her.
@KyleMcDowell86: *sees a babe about to walk through a puddle* "No no, allow me" *gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*