@DougStanhope: 16 year olds can vote in Scotland. That's ok because they've been drinking since they were 9 and understand disillusionment.
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@anjadrisch: My anti bacterial hand wash promises to kill germs & moisturise at the same time. Such violence & nurturing from the one product.
@TuSoonShakur: *Thunder, lightning and buckets of rain outside the window* Spouse: “Hand me my phone so I can check the weather.”
@AGStr8upNinja: I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches.
@theresa_lauren: "Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on