16yo [talking w friend]: fam that's lit af, tell bae and the squad that it's on fleek PARENT: *calls 911* i think my kid's having a seizure

@rockymomax: [At bar] BARTENDER: I dont think she wants to talk man ME: [dabbing on pickle juice as cologne] I think I know what the ladies want pal

1

@envydatropic: You never worry about the size of your doctor's fingers until you need a rectal exam. I know this now.

1

@brendohare: Bart Simpson is bad for this country of America

25

@13spencer: If you really want people to notice you, be a typo.

229

@robesman: in 2016 if i walk in to your place and ask for the wifi password and you give me a paper with 26 letters and numbers i'm leaving

139

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