@slimmy_shady: 20% of traffic accidents involve deer.Who allowed deer to drive in the first place?
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@KeetPotato: leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles
@julietactually: him: [slipping my panties off] why are u wearing 2 pairs of panties me: I'm not him: [sliding another pair off] omg how many are u wearing
@JediGigi: My Mom taught me to treat others the way I want to be treated so I always walk up to strangers and spray canned cheese in their mouth.
@moose_chocolate: "So you spend 6 bucks on a beverage that has no booze in it on purpose?" -me to everyone at Starbucks.