@slimmy_shady: 20% of traffic accidents involve deer.Who allowed deer to drive in the first place?
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@timdonakowski: I wish someone would challenge me so I could help raise awareness for ice buckets.
@stevevsninjas: Therapist: We must remove our masks and express our true selves Yoga instructor: True Nutritionist: So wise Raccoon: This is bullshit, Alan
@heytherecore: [Dinner with GF's parents] Thank you for having me over, can I use the bathroom? "MAY I use the bathroom" *slams fists down* I ASKED FIRST
@IvoryGazelle: *Abandons ship* *Ship gets adopted* *Tracks down ship in adulthood* *Ship is happy and wants nothing to do with me*