@DanLaMorte: 21st century kid on Santa's lap-"Yo santa, some more insta followers would be real dope for Christmas. Thanks bruh bruh"
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@jazmasta: BREAKING: Olympic athlete stripped of medal after urine sample shows traces of rubber, which is a band substance
@blade_funner: *slips $5 to the mortician* Me: How about - stop screaming - how about you give me another 10 minutes, this is a great place to nap.
@iwearaonesie: wife: Can we get a kids menu? waitress *brings one* wife me wife me [already doing the maze] wife: Can we get 2 kids menus?