@pinkmoon_33: 3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [special ops briefing] Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night Me: I bet you say that to all the boys L: Get out
@bea_ker: [date slides her top down her shoulder to show me a scar] I got this surfing [I show her my grotesque balls] I was born like this I think
@SkunkFarts: There's a girl that I hate in my office that's white but looks like 'Precious'. I've been calling her "Pressure" & blaming my farts on her.
@ChaseMit: Let's be honest: The documentary they were making before the Blair Witch killed them would have sucked