@HannahAntics: 30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her.
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@QwertyJones3: GENE SIMMONS: What is it about me that makes people think I'm gross? "Hygiene" SIMMONS: Hi. Now answer my question.
@samfromks: Her: What veggies are the kids having with dinner? Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...
@MrEd_EVH: Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining because of the cold. I'm whining because I have to wear a entire load of laundry to stay warm
@iamspacegirl: Spider-Man, hanging right in front of your face when you turn on the bathroom light.