@HannahAntics: 30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her.
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@juliussharpe: That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
@causticbob: I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.
@Parkerlawyer: So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.