@alldrolledup: 4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
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@thatUPSdude: [AA Meeting] "I think it's time we address the elephant in the room" Elephant: Hey hey I thought this was supposed to be anonymous!?
@SinfulShelly: I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. "I'm not a clown!" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest.
@sixfootcandy: Insurance company: We need you to fax us the paperwork. Me: Sure. Let me jump in my DeLorean and drive back to 1987.