@alldrolledup: 4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
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@ashleyaustrew: Me: I do f-ing everything around here! I'm sick of it! Family: *tries to help* Me: That's not...what are you...no...wrong...LET ME DO IT
@slimmy_shady: As a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious.
@Tierno158: When I refer to kids as "Snot-dripping, germ-spreading spawns of Satan" I hope you realize I'm not referring specifically to YOUR children.