@robdelaney: 4 out of 5 dentists agree: kill a lion.
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@weinerdog4life: Don't ever ask a burrito if you should eat it, it will always say no, because burritos are really smart.
@Zac_Franklin: my default response when someone questions a risky text of mine is "sorry, I was drunk." But now everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic so..shit.
@heroinsdemise: Why do baby clothes have pockets? I've never heard a baby say: "cigarettes,phone and keys alright let's go"
@bourgeoisalien: It's important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you're all set to go