@TheAlexNevil: 4 said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7, and now I'm terrified to go into the bathroom.
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@AristotlesNZ: Drug commercial just listed "death" as a possible side affect. Seems totally legit. Ask your doctor if possible death is right for you..
@JElvisWeinstein: I know my computer doesn't have a virus because I've never had an 8-bit skull and crossbones pop up onscreen laughing.
@TwinSurvivalist: Home Alone is my favorite movie about the inevitable homicidal tendencies that come from prolonged neglect.
@markleggett: When your parents held you as a baby for the first time, they secretly hoped you'd end up arguing with strangers on a celebrity's Instagram.