@thejoelstein: 4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to "How do you know if something is art?" "People tell you."
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@suntzufuntzu: The software tracking your browsing has fallen in love with you; it doesn't mind if you don't click the ads, it just hopes they please you.
@thepunningman: "So how are the anger management classes?" We have to crochet stuff when we get mad "Sounds stupid" [I furiously make a beautiful cardigan]
@Jerrypleasure: god *creates chicken* go enjoy your life ! chicken: what’s behind your back god *hiding KFC recipe* just do as I say
@copymama: Driving tests should have a portion where a kid in the backseat just pummels you with rapid-fire questions while you try to merge.