@AmishPornStar1: 4th of July Pro Tip: If you're looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.
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@iGreenMonk: No matter how rich or famous you become, when you die, the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
@intellegint: Girls love it when guys: - are respectful - are handsome - eat watermelon really fast and spit out the seeds like a machine gun
@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
@AGreaterMonster: The beauty of meditation is it helps instill inner peace in someone that makes it easy to pick his pockets.