@AmishPornStar1: 4th of July Pro Tip: If you're looking for quality, never buy fireworks from a guy with more than seven fingers.
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@xLiserx: Me: Can't. I'm exhausted from all the CrossFit this morning. Him: It's pronounced 'croissant' & how the hell did you eat the entire dozen?!
@BetteMidler: Congratulations to Janet Jackson for having a baby at age 50! When I was 50, I wasn’t even strong enough to push a child out of my way.
@murrman5: yes lassie? "bark" Timmy's in the well and you pissed in my slippers and you told me about Timmy first so I wouldn't get mad "bark" smart