@bourgeoisalien: 5 years ago when 'House of Cards' started we said, 'That's so scary.' Now Trump is here and we're like, 'hahaha, House of Cards is adorable'
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@brunopieroni: Just ran into Björk walking into her hjötel. Ljöking fjörward to her show at Pitchfjörk tjönight (hjöly shit my Icelandic is pjërfect).
@ArtConDee: Can you just bear with me for a moment? *grabs salmon out of stream. bites head off. hibernates.*
@sarcasticmommy4: Kids: Yay! Summer break! Me: Not so fast. Let me introduce you to...THE GREAT SUMMER CHORE CHART OF 2017! *3 kids faint, 1 runs away*