@NeatFoxes: "50 Cent for 2Pacs of Eminems!? That's Ludacris!"
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@AristotlesNZ: Boss: "Thanks for making me my coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a nice..Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
@amishschool: Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include "mouth breathing".
@KyleMcDowell86: *sees a babe about to walk through a puddle* "No no, allow me" *gets on hands and knees and drinks the entire puddle so the babe stays dry*