@DurtMcHurtt: 50% of mariachi bands end in divorciachi.
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@Parkerlawyer: People that don't tweet for months and then show up like nothing happened... Was it jail? I bet it was jail.
@HaramiParindey: Interviewer : What are your expectations? Me : Job. Interviewer : I mean what do you want from this job? Me : Salary
@JermHimselfish: As you get older, dirty talk turns into "Yeah baby, take that nap. Take all of it honey. You like that couch? Oh yeah, sleep on it..."