@ByYourLogic: 50,000 retweets and our professor will let us get our medical degrees without taking our finals! I want to be a pediatric heart surgeon, let's goooooooo
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@AndrewChamings: [the day after I meet a genie] boss: hey team, you can all leave five minutes early today me: *loudly* oh wow so weird
@david8hughes: "I'll take the Batmobile. Robin, you take the--" [Robin doing up laces] "The Batskates, yeah I know."
@animaldrumss: No, actually I hate gambling, that's why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I'll burn up his gambling dice.