@JustLikeMikee: 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots
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@LostCatDog: I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances.
@YoungNobler: Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016
@Offensivehere: Me: lets go get a drink! Friend: what's the occasion? Me: ... Friend: ... Me: I don't understand the question.
@BlondAmbitionTO: On dates, if a man says the past tense of "see" as "I seen" instead of "I saw," I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.