@theshamingofjay: 75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
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@NicestHippo: "Your evolutionary biology thesis is rejected." Why? "You added (lmao) every time you mentioned Homo Erectus."
@FrenulumBreve: Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually.
@1Bad_Scientist: Her: Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom? Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper.
@BuckyIsotope: *puts leash around pet lobster* I think there will be games and lots of friends to play with Pinchy *walks into Lobsterfest* COVER YOUR EYES