@theshamingofjay: 75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
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@samuelhlowe: - Police, open the door. - What do you want? - We just wanna talk. - How many of you are there? - Two. - Well just talk to each other.
@gerryhallcomedy: Sadly learned my family is racist. I started dating a black girl. Brought her home to meet the family. Wife and kids wouldn't talk to her.
@robdelaney: Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death.