@Pspenny36: 7yo: mommy you smell like beer. Me: well, you smell like a bad idea that your dad and I thought could fix our marriage....now go to bed.
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@internetluke: [talking to zoo attendant as I slowly take out a $50 bill] "No" What? "You can't sit in the Kangaroos pouch" *places $50 back in my pocket*
@ericarhodes: "What's it like being a female comic?" "Well, you get asked what it's like being a female comic a lot."