@TheFearBoners: 8 year old at the park said I threw like a girl. He found out I kick in the nuts like a girl too.
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@TylerLinkin: On date night my wife took me to a place where you make your own pottery. I made an urn.
@NikiWithIssues: We complain when it's hot. We complain when it's cold. We are such c**ts. That's why ET went home and never came back to visit.
@genehunter1: After the delicious brownies have all been consumed following my funeral, a video of me will inform everyone that they just ate my ashes.