@Mr_Kapowski: 90% of women that wear yoga pants probably don't do yoga. 100% of straight men don't care.
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@fro_vo: ME: careful there is a bee on that tree lim WIFE: limb has a b at the end ME: i literally just said that diane
@JohnLyonTweets: "I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor," Holmes said. "You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm."
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, "why the long face?" & the horse says, "why the English Lit degree?"