@t0shiba: 90 people have swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom.
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@the_tsai_guy: If someone eggs your house, you can save time cleaning up by just baking your house into a cake.
@RightOJack: My GF spent $49 on a haircut. Had she gone to Petsmart she'd have gotten an ear cleaning, anal gland extraction and a free bandana as well.
@DaddyJew: [job interview] What's your biggest weakness? Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Sorry about that. Questions, definitely questions.