@t0shiba: 90 people have swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and nobody wants to wear a condom.
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@FlyJ_: My neighbor is a real douche & always cheating on his wife, so I changed my wifi to KARL IS CHEATING ON YOU AMY for when she needs my wifi.
@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@_Prozach74: Come here and listen close and carefully, I'm going to slowly explain what condescending means? Go ahead and take notes if needed.
@KeetPotato: me: "what is a librarian's favourite food?" dog: me: "SHUSHI lmao" dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]