"911 what’s your emergency?" "Yeah, I’ve got so many questions about bees." *sighs* "Please hold for the president."

@2tickytacky: "It got weird, didn't it? " *Leaves on a pogo stick.*

1

@ValeeGrrl: My son just explained how he wants to make a necklace out of my hair which is totally normal & doesn't at all concern & terrify me.

1

@Love_bug1016: If only the workout your thumbs get from scrolling on your phone would go to your abs.

159

@Smartassylassy: I've just accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles... My next shit could spell disaster!

1

@nbadag: BRAIN: you need to let loose a little, have some fun ME: rainbow colored goldfish crackers it is

1

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