@vikkaroni: 99 times out of ten, I'm making shit up.
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@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
@PaperWash: *mugger snatching Elsa's purse Elsa: LET IT GO! Mugger: LET IT GO! Elsa: CANT HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE! Mugger: LET IT GO! Elsa: LET IT GO!
@GaryJanetti: I hope one day to have the chance to whisper "what's she doing here?" to the person next to me at a funeral.
@Jandalize: Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine.