@SuitableHolmes: A 2-hour movie called "Can You Watch My Kid For Like 15 Minutes?"
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@huntigula: Jesus: He who is without sin may cast the first stone *guy with no legs throws rock* Jesus: Seriously? "You said 'without shins,' right?"
@iwearaonesie: wife: How was work? [flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said "abreast"] me:Good
@Pro_Jones_: Jehovah's Witness: Do you have time to talk about Jesus? Jesus: *In disguise* sure JW: He's lame J: *rips off fake beard* Big mistake pal
@smithsara79: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take," I whisper to myself as I hit send on that sixth unanswered text