@Petote: A baby and I locked eyes. I panicked, but thankfully I didn't cry first. Haha stupid baby, I win.
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@CineRobert: "Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."
@Maxine12333: You can lose a lot on a no carb, no sugar diet. I tried it and immediately lost my will to live.
@StoferComic: My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song "Get Off the Stage or Die." Elvis, maybe?
@NikiWithIssues: A cool fun way to stop his snoring so you can finally get some sleep is to separate the head from the body.