@Petote: A baby and I locked eyes. I panicked, but thankfully I didn't cry first. Haha stupid baby, I win.
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@VodkaThursday: Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?
@KattsDogma: "You have a BA? Ooooh! Look at you! Well, I have a BA, an MA, & a PhD." - 3rd degree burn
@Thedudish: Men at the supermarket are like fish in an aquarium. Silent, with no recollection of how or why they got there.
@SirEviscerate: [JAN 1] *tears off Dec 2016 calendar page* [JANUARY 2016, Part 2] What? *flips* [YOU DIDN'T THINK] *flips* [2016 WOULD END, DID YOU?!] NOO!!