@lotterydude: A baby is 75% water. So if I walked on babies I'd be 75% Jesus. #SolidLogic
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@pleatedjeans: Interviewer: I don't see a phone # for your reference Me: he is a duck I feed bread to at the park you will have to speak to him directly
@thereverendcink: I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now
@headstrong_girl: "Wife stabs husband with squirrel" was on the news.. Does anyone know how to sharpen a Squirrel?