@lotterydude: A baby is 75% water. So if I walked on babies I'd be 75% Jesus. #SolidLogic
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
@MK_Shenanigans: I forgot FB was not Twitter & posted something ultra dirty. Now I have to avoid my granndma, change my hair color & leave the state.
@envydatropic: According to all these "note to self" sticky notes I am a very forgetful person also I have no idea what these notes mean
@OBiiieeee: First day as a drug dealer. Made a ton of sales. Boy are people forgetful, they all left their wallets at home.Gonna be rich tomorrow though