@DanielRCarrillo: A barbed-wire tattoo on my arm keeps my arm horses from running away
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@kyry5: "Hey Siri, what's a narcissist?" *Siri turns on front-facing selfie cam* "Whatever bitch, you're just jealous"
@JoshuaHvr: Why would a straight guy hate gay guys? Here's a group of men who look better than you.. but don't even want women. You should be glad.
@TheDrunkStory: "I don't understand why people try to act drunk. I spend most of my time trying to act sober." - Florida State
@JohnHilsen: Some say cheetahs are the fastest animal at 60 mph. Not true. Dogs have been clocked at 18,000 mph when the Soviets launched one into space.