@Ygrene: [being axe murdered] excuse me but perhaps you have confused me with a tree

@QueenofSparta: I like to avoid confusion by making it weird from the beginning.

@willmenaker: Good Morning.

@FussySaffa: When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?' is unwise, apparently.

@MiahSaint: This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and number of friends.