@GirrlGenius: A book commits suicide every time you watch a reality show.
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@lawyerthoughts: *throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*
@KeetPotato: dude at house party: "anybody here wanna bone?" girl: "ew" girl 2: "no way" girl 3: "never" dog: "i am very interested in your offer"
@notacroc: BOSS: it's national replace H's with F's day ME: really? BOSS: yep, you're hired! ME: hahaha-wait BOSS: get out ME: what the huck?
@GrowlyGrego: Welcome to Pushovers Anonymous. Cool if we start with a reading? "fine by me!" "you bet!" "sounds good!" "NO" Sir, please leave. "NO" Okay.