@Sassafrantz: A bride just said "today I'm marrying my best friend" it's like hey great choice, because marrying your mortal enemy seems risky & dangerous
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@justabloodygame: Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.
@david8hughes: [police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a light grey Me: ... My dog: if that helps
@illuminatedwndr: "Would you like to import all of your phonebook contacts to your Twitter account...?" hahahaha yeah, that'll go well