@ohpeetie: A bug zapper, but for people trying to come into my office.
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@jonnysun: [whole foods] WHITE GIRL: excus me do u hav pumpkin EMPLOYEE: (hands her a pumpkin) here WHITE GIRL: no no no. PUMPKIN. its a type of spice
@SnizzleFrizzle: 12: "Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?" Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child
@Carbosly: I lost my voice. If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated.