@AnOrangeSNES: A cannibal passes a Girl Scout cookie stand. "How many girl scouts are these cookies made of?" he asks with a large smile on his face.
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@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I'm afraid-" *Wife crying* "I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now." *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*
@Jake_Vig: Survival Tip: If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct.