@RobotThomas: A car pool is an extravagant waste of water.
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@AGStr8upNinja: Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that's not your Ferrari?
@Lakelandr: I've eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
@heyevergreen: [showing colleague a pic on phone] "NO! Don't scroll left!" My face falls as he sees my erotic photo collection of donuts on plates.