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@RobotThomas: A car pool is an extravagant waste of water.
@Westoff123: I'm going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint "Welcome to chicago" on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.
@lcspt: Dude is texting with a flip phone, just like George Washington did
@DumbConfessions: Saying "excape "makes me wanna stab you in the "exophagus".
@WheelTod: It's amazing the little things you learn about your kids as they grow everyday.
For example today I learned my 3yo is kind of a mean drunk.
@DaddyJew: Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now.