@RobotThomas: A car pool is an extravagant waste of water.
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@BlondAmbitionTO: On dates, if a man says the past tense of "see" as "I seen" instead of "I saw," I go to the bathroom and climb out the window.
@PaperWash: The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah's wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.
@topaz_kell: [job interview] Interviewer: "Do you have any questions for me?" Me: "How strong is the wifi signal in the restroom?" Interviewer:
@bridger_w: If you're behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you're not a threat by gently kissing their neck.