@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
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@hyperblastchic: I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish. No YOU'VE been drinking.
@Brampersandon_: I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much.
@Sassafrantz: boss: I've been reviewing the security footage from last night and... me: OH SHIT! boss: OH SHIT IS RIGHT! YOUR DANCE MOVES ARE ON POINT!