@Douchekevin: A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
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@fro_vo: [spelling bee] Judge: your word is tennis Me: s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s Judge: Me: Judge: please spell it again i lost count
@RidiculousSheri: I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
@Moldy_Jellybean: Just when I manage to convince myself that I am a superior and more intelligent being, I walk into a door.
@DanielRCarrillo: Raid™: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something.