@JimGaffigan: A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
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@AnniemuMary: Met a dog named Donut. I don't need that kind of reminder all day. Excuse me, I have to go take Smaller Portions for a walk.
@Playing_Dad: Pizza Hut: Hello Me: I'd like a hot dog bites pizzas PH: Pick up or delivery? Me: Based on that order, you think I get off the couch?
@PaperWash: angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla