@JimGaffigan: A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
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@TYrannosaurus: *sees girl at bar* Hey baby, wanna get outta here? "Sure!" Good, you're really killing the vibe.
@WildeThingy: I'm white and my wife is black. I'm trying to convince her we should adopt a Chinese baby so we can tell people that's how they are made
@GoldenSpirals: My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me.