@IamEnidColeslaw: a co-worker asked me if I was pregnant and I panicked and said yes so now I have to gradually gain like 30 pounds
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@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"
@trevso_electric: Women! Can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em or Liam Neeson will find you and kill you.
@RevReee: I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.