@ilovepie84: A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.
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@deadstick_ron: Therapist: and how are you now? Morgan Freeman: I am fine Morgan Freeman: but Morgan Freeman was not fine Therapist: I'm sorry what?
@underrateDad: 83% of parenting is repeating the same set of instructions over and over using a different kid's name.
@AntozWolf: True friendship is when you walk into someone's house, and your WiFi connects automatically..
@MelvinofYork: Yes, I said I was sorry and that I'd do anything to win you back. But that was before you told me you needed a ride to the airport at 5am.